Monday, March 23, 2015

The Power of Pink (and trying to raise a kick-ass little girl)

I decided when I was pregnant with Mae that I had to start working on myself. I needed to be a mother who is strong, confident, independent, and with a strong sense of self. I had a lot of pain from childhood and my teenage years that I knew I needed to deal with to become a happier, healthier Jen. I didn't like my red hair, my freckles, my nose, my forehead, the space between my nose and upper lip, my chin, my eye shape, my cheeks, my ears, and my entire body below my neck. But, I was about to have a little girl that could have any of those things I hated about myself. There's no way I could let her see me tear myself apart when she'll have the same features as me. I think having her, really helped me accept and love myself. Having a baby forced me to nurture the hurt little girl in myself. Instead of rejecting her and being embarrassed of her, I wish I could hug her and love her, and tell her she's beautiful. I think every little girl deserves to feel beautiful and I'm sad that I never remembered feeling pretty in my whole life until the past two years. I tell Mae every day that she's funny, smart, kind, and beautiful. She says the same thing right back to me.

On that note, being a red head was a trigger to being made fun of as a kid and also the painful memories of myself when I was a hundred pounds heavier. I remembered every mean thing a classmate said to me when I'd look in the mirror. I decided I needed to have red hair when Mae was born in case she was a red head so she had someone else to look to that was like her. At last she didn't have red hair anyway. I went from tolerating being a red head again, to actually really loving it. I liked how it looked like a brand new copper penny, and I liked how I always looked like fall and burning leaves. It really came to suit me and I even started liking my freckles. I love being a red head. I really do. I like that it's unique and rare. Even though I love my red hair, I wanted to try something fun and fresh for summer. So, I dyed my hair pink. Still loving myself, still accepting myself, I know red hair is special and blah blah blah, I just wanted something different for a while. I know I'll go back to red again, but for now I'm really enjoying this. That's just as important as accepting your roots, being able to be true to yourself and walk (or dance) to the beat of your own drum. If you don't like pink hair, don't dye your hair pink. But I think it suits me just fine.

My awesome sister-in-law did my hair at the salon she works at and my brother is doing an apprenticeship with her and helped assist with my hair too. It was a grueling process of mostly waiting for things to develop. I'm soooo not a salon girl. I get so bored just sitting there. Luckily, I was with my brother and sister-in-law. We had fun, but I think I was there for three and a half hours or more. My hair is REALLY cute and SUPER pink now. Just in time for my vacation to California on Thursday to visit my friend Lauren. I'm really nervous about flying by myself and I've never been on a plane for this long before. I'll do a California trip post after I get back with hopefully awesome photos! (Sorry so many pictures, I just can't get enough of how amazing the pink is!!!)